Halfway to 90

Forty-five days sober as of yesterday.  I went on another weekend trip last weekend and had only a few twinges of desire for alcohol, both times at restaurants when I saw fellow diners at the next table enjoying wine with dinner.  This type of temptation is easy to deal with.  The real challenge, I’m finding, is at home, at “happy hour,” when daily stress is at a maximum — I’m just home from work, trying to make dinner, everyone is hungry, my husband and I are both irritable.  Both yesterday and the day before my husband and I got in petty spats about who needed to do what, or (more importantly!!!) who had more of a “right” to be stressed out.

Both times I dearly wanted to bury my nose in a nice glass of brandy or wine.  I did not, but clearly this is something I need to deal with.  My husband and I discussed it afterward and I told him this is what I meant when I told him back on that day, “I’d rather have a drink than have a fight.”  When the fight is something stupid like who picks up more or who deserves to go have a quiet moment, something that I know doesn’t matter in the long run (I know we both work hard, at work and at home) — I’ve always wanted to find a way to avoid it altogether.

Yes, I know how stupid this sounds — to justify drinking for such a trivial reason.  But, I told him all of this, and he responded instantly, “I’d rather have you snap at me.”

Of course he would.  But I do need to find a way to take things easier and deal with stress better.

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